Always coming home alone
I went to a party last night. It was a pretty cool party. There were whole groups of people there I just did not connect with. I do not have to connect with everyone, but that is always a strange feeling at a party. I would say that I was an outlier on the graph of the typical party guest.
It was pretty early by the time I left. I had exhausted most of my conversational skills. I also had a head ache that I could not get away from. The head ache has haunted me for most of the weekend end and some of last week. I had the feeling that there was nothing more I could learn.
While I was on my way to my car I ran into to other party goers. One of the girls was trying to convince me to stay. She asked me what I was going home to. She asked me if my home life was as good as the party. In reality I was going home to myself. I felt that I needed to get away from the crowd. I was not tired yet. I just needed some time to decompress. The party was fun, but I was at the point where I was just hanging on. When I am just hanging on, that is usually when I do something stupid.
Many times at the end of the night, a good feeling will be ruined by the idea of going home alone. Sometimes if feels like the separation between me and the rest of the world. They all have some to go home to or with. It is always alone for me.
To night I did not have that feeling. I had been thinking about women too much already. The host of the party had said something to my early in the week that was still buzzing around my head. I was watching to people kiss. I was a little envious at first then ashamed. At first I thought I really wanted to kiss the woman that was involved in the kiss. I realized that I really just wanted someone to kiss me. That made me feel that I was just trying to use the woman as a prop. That did not make me feel good. I knew this was the right time to go home.
I went to a party last night. It was a pretty cool party. There were whole groups of people there I just did not connect with. I do not have to connect with everyone, but that is always a strange feeling at a party. I would say that I was an outlier on the graph of the typical party guest.
It was pretty early by the time I left. I had exhausted most of my conversational skills. I also had a head ache that I could not get away from. The head ache has haunted me for most of the weekend end and some of last week. I had the feeling that there was nothing more I could learn.
While I was on my way to my car I ran into to other party goers. One of the girls was trying to convince me to stay. She asked me what I was going home to. She asked me if my home life was as good as the party. In reality I was going home to myself. I felt that I needed to get away from the crowd. I was not tired yet. I just needed some time to decompress. The party was fun, but I was at the point where I was just hanging on. When I am just hanging on, that is usually when I do something stupid.
Many times at the end of the night, a good feeling will be ruined by the idea of going home alone. Sometimes if feels like the separation between me and the rest of the world. They all have some to go home to or with. It is always alone for me.
To night I did not have that feeling. I had been thinking about women too much already. The host of the party had said something to my early in the week that was still buzzing around my head. I was watching to people kiss. I was a little envious at first then ashamed. At first I thought I really wanted to kiss the woman that was involved in the kiss. I realized that I really just wanted someone to kiss me. That made me feel that I was just trying to use the woman as a prop. That did not make me feel good. I knew this was the right time to go home.
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