Achin' To Be

I cannot explain my life to other people because I am not sure I understand it myself. A lot lately I have been depressed when I get home from work. I am depressed because all I have to do is come home to my apartment. Most of the time when I leave work I know that I am going to be on my own. All my friends have lives that are wider then mine. I feel like I am trying to force myself on them half of the time.

I know there are ways I could be less lonely. I know there are ways I could fill up my evening so I did not feel this way all the time. I just have not been able to do these things. Part of me wants to just go back to my apartment and not worry about anything.

I am shy when it comes to meeting new people and too often I have to try to meet people on my own. I don't want feel comfortable trying to meet people at public events. I feel like I never really get to know anyone. I end up feeling worse when I leave then when I got there. It is not a good thing for me.

All of this sounds like whining. What does it mean when the things that depress you sounds like you are whining? I feel that I cannot talk to people about these things because they are almost silly. They have been still getting me down for the last couple of weeks. I just feel that all the gears are not fitting together right now.