Thinking about time

The other day I looked at my computer for an hour and didn't get anything written.  An hour and I just stared at my computer.  I watched some videos, looked at Facebook, and stared off into space.  I looked at the clock and realized I'd wasted my evening.  It was time for bed.  I had some extra time but I couldn't get anything done with it.  

As I walked up stairs I thought about wasting time.  I'm old enough to realize I don't have all the time in the world.  I talked to my mother for the last time this year.  I've spent the last year visiting my father-in-law at the end of his life.  I wonder if my mother or father-in-law wished they could have some of those wasted evenings back at the end.  

It means something to waste time.  When I was struggling for money, on my last few days between paychecks, I would just shut down in my apartment.  I would watch TV and sleep too much.  I would find someone to do on my computer that would not coast me money.  I would end up doing as little as possible to save money.  I look at that time now and wish I would have used it better.  

It is strange at 50 years old to spend a lot of time waiting.  It is something I didn't really expect.  Being a father and husband, I am often waiting.  I don't have any time to do something productive while I wait for the next thing to start.  There are some things you can do with a stolen moment here or there, but context switching has a price.  It slows you down and lowers you quality.  There are somethings that are really hard to do in one or two minute chunks.  

There are other things you just can't do while you are waiting for something else to happen.  You can't go places or travel in the few minutes you have to before taking someone to school or waiting for bedtime routine to start.  Those minutes, while not useful, they are accounted for.  

What I like about photography is some of it can be done in stolen moments.  You cannot get every photo out there, but there are photos I can take everyday.  Even if I take the same photo everyday, it chances, The light changes, the angle changes, the camera changes.  There is always something about the photo I can change.  There is a saying you can never enter the same river twice.  

I don't know how to make the most out of my time.  Between work, parenthood, being a spouse, I am always doing something with my time.  Even if I am not getting the most out of it, I'm sure I'm not wasting it.