Thinking about 2020

 

When I had a bad job and struggled to make ends meet, I spent a lot of time wishing for the next paycheck to come.  A lot of time disengaging from life and just stalled.  I would run out of money and spend those days just at home, watching TV or using the internet.  This year has felt like that too many days.  There have been so many evenings I have just given up and watched TV for too many hours.  Days where I just struggle to get to the end of the day to have it start all over again.  I look back at the days I wished a way as a waste.  I feel that I'll look back at 2020 that way also. 

I don't need to tell anyone this year was strange, but I wonder if we will remember how strange in the years to come.  We will remember how we didn't see anyone for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but will we remember how we didn't see any fireworks at all?  We will remember that we didn't travel anywhere, but will we remember how it was to drive around on empty streets for most of the year.  We will remember how it was to do kindergarten via zoom for the whole year, but will remember the times we freaked out during class?

I want to make a list of things we did and obsessed about.  There was the month where we went to the koi pond five days a week just to get out of the house. I want to remember how we made slime 10 days in two weeks.  There was the time in April where we checked the wind forecast everyday to figure out what time we could fly our kite. There was the time in June we had water balloon fights every day after work, we even bought all the balloons at three different Safeway locations.  

There has been so much to this year.  I've heard so many people say this year has felt like it has been really long.  There was a time this spring the weather was so nice it was hard to believe there was a global pandemic going on.  There was a time in the summer we had to check the air quality index before opening our car windows. There were months we wondered if Scooter was going to have face to face school at all. 

I don't want to forget any of these things.  From March 8 until today I drove about 5500 miles.  That is less than half a normal year.  We didn't trick or treat this year, but we went to the pumpkin patch.  The only Christmas lights displays we went to where drive thru.  

Will we remember how to feel like there was no place to go.  That feeling we were stuck in the house. That feeling we are missing so many of the tools in our tool kit. I want to remember the feeling of wishing for the end of the day, a few minutes into the day.  I want to remember how these things felt because I want the world without a pandemic feels better.