State of my Heart Address 2009

I started to write the state of my heart address in 1994 as an indulgence. It was a way for me to wallow in the way I was feeling. It was a way for me to be a depressed 20 nothing being in touch with his emotions.

All those years later I am happy I started this tradition. I am happy that I have been writing about my love life in this kind of specific way. It gives me something to look back at and see the way I have grown and changed.

I has spent the past year with Kate. In that time not only has she been my lover, but also my best friend, confidant, cheerleader, and companion. We got engaged last March. By the next time I write a State of My Heart Address she will be my wife. This makes me happy. I enjoy seeing Kate as the woman who will be my wife. I will be even happier when she is my wife.

In the past year I have learned and grown more than I ever expected. I have learned about myself and about Kate. I feel like I am not the same person I was a year ago and that is a good thing. I have more patience, more love, and more understanding, but not just for kate, but lots of things.

I know I feel different now than I did a year ago. A year ago I still had the rose colored glasses of a love that was new. Now I have the warm and deep feeling of a love that has grown. I think it is harder to describe, but much more rewarding. I remember hearing a wine critic one say that a good bottle of wine should not show you everything in the first taste. There should be more that you keep discovering and learning. I am finding that love is the same way. Every day we grow a little more and as we grow there is more to learn.

For the first time in a very long time, I can see myself in the future. I can foresee what my life might be like. I can see the road I am on and imagine where it might take me. I know that life changes those things, but it is nice to have some idea where I would like to be. It is good to have an idea what I want the future to bring me.

The state of my heart is good and It will get better god willing.